36th Birthday

36th Birthday

Today is my birthday
and I’m on my way
to the earn nose and throat doctor
because I have surfer’s ear

now that I am 36
half of my life
has passed since high school
which forces the question
how should I feel?

The word that finds itself 
in an arranged marriage 
to Birthday

if you’re not Happy
maybe don’t bother having a
Birthday this year

This year
I’m (slowly) learning Hawaiian
on my computer
when I need a distraction
from my computer,
and Happy Birthday is expressed
Hauʻoli Lā Hānau
Happy day of birth

I am very happy that
my parents made a decision that day
and I get some years
to play around inside
whatever this place is
a simulation?
depends on who you ask 
elon musk

I just know as my age ticks up
I catch more of it
each sunrise dissolves my dark corners 
each fight lays forth a lesson,
if I am so willing
even chores crack my lips into a grin

all of it feels more beautiful
even when IT won’t submit 
to society’s happiness mandate

But I am happy today
or maybe just feeling special
playing with words
in case you find yourself
something less than happy
maybe you won’t feel
so deserted

Because it’s totally 
to feel happy and unhappy 
at the same time

Like 36
my new age of 36
I am definitely
not happy about 

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